The Hills Have Eyes

The Hills Have Eyes

Blood/gore: 10

Dialogue: 10

Sexual Content: 7

Special Effects: 5

Weapons: 9

Destruction: 4

Overall: 45/60

This is an instant classic horror film. Absolutely gruesome and relentless, this was not made for the weak stomached. It goes right up there with Hostel as being one of the bloodiest movies I have ever seen. The rape scene is a bit much to take unless you have a really strong stomach, but other than that this movie is brutal. People get jacked up. I am not talking like Chris Berman and the Monday Night Football gang talking about some big hits, I am talking about straight up painful, mutilating, violence; I suggest only the best kind of violence for you all, my loyal fans.

The Hills Have Eyes 2

The Hills Have Eyes 2

Blood/gore: Easily a 10.

Dialogue: Easily a 10.

Sexual Content: Some tits in the movie, but it is some mutant tits during birth. Gross. Gets a 4 none the less.
Special Effects: Not an abundance. Gets a 4.

Weapons: There are some crude ways of death in this one. Since I am a fan of crude, primitive killings, it gets an 8.

Destruction: Not so much. Gets a 2.

Overall: 38/60

First, I must suggest that you all go and see The Hills Have Eyes before you see this. Not only is it way better, but it helps you understand this one (I will rate the first one in 5 minutes for you). This movie is insane. People bleed. A lot. Really all there is to say. Other than the fact that these "evolved" mutant people are cannibals and they enjoy raping women (which is disgusting by the way). Not really much else to tell you other than if you want some blood and carnage and a solid horror movie, rent both of the Hills Have Eyes movies and enjoy.

Sunshine

Sunshine

Blood/gore: Not much in the first hour, but heats up in the end. It gets a 7.

Dialogue: Confusing for a few minutes here and there. Some mild language. Gets a 5.

Sexual Content: Nope. Some hotness. Gets a 3.

Special Effects: Amazing. Purely amazing. Some of the best I have ever seen. Surely a 10.

Weapons: The only real weapon in the movie is some wierd, futuristic knife that is like a mini light saber. It gets a 4.

Destruction: A bunch of sweet space shuttles get jacked up. It gets a 10.

Overall: 39/60

This movie gets a fairly low rating based on my system, but I will admit that I have a huge man crush on Danny Boyle, the director. He also directed 28 Days Later, The Beach, Trainspotting (all three are personal favorites). He is just a completely innovative director who pops out amazing movies as fast as the Spears sisters popping out babies. I also have a huge man crush on Cillian Murphy (again, star of most of Boyle's recent movies). Anyway, the special effects in this movie are what I will safely call the best I have ever seen in a movie not made by Spielberg or George Lucas. I suggest watching this movie if you are a sci-fi fan or just a fan of sweet special effects because it definitely delivers in both departments.

The Condemned

THE CONDEMNED

Blood/gore: No shortage of blood. An easy 9.

Dialogue: It gets a 10 because Stone Cold said so.

Sexual Content: Eh. Only about 4 girls in the movie and 2 are hot. I give it a 2.

Special Effects: Not a whole lot of special effects. Some cool stunts though. It gets a 4.

Weapons: Again, nothing sweet, but since it is just a flat out brutal movie, I give it a 7.
Destruction: Again, not a ton, but it gets an honest 6.

Overall: 38/60

Don't let the overall fairly low rating fool you. This is definitely a movie worth seeing. I figured it was going to be garbage due to the high ratio of wrestlers/bodybuilders turned actor to real quality actors. But, the movie is worth seeing for Vinnie Jones alone. This guy has to be one of the funniest people in the history of civilization. He is a former soccer hooligan and was one of the wildest bad boys of Euro Soccer before getting kicked out of the league. Other than Jason Statham, this guy is one of the biggest badasses in Hollywood. Oh, and I have to admit that Stone Cold Steve Austin really doesn't totally suck at acting. Don't get me wrong, he still is a stupid, redneck, meatheaded, former WWF superstar, but the dude has some great lines he says in this movie. I also really like the idea of the movie, which is putting ten death row inmates on an island and letting them fight til only one is alive. That is sweet. Between you, my faithful 3 fans, and me, if it were up to me I would be doing events like this 3 times a week on Pay-Per-View.